[lizziebean]

so deb asked me weeks ago to write my birth story describing my experience delivering my son liam two years ago. i promised i would and had been thinking about how i would tell my story. i planned on sitting down on thursday (yesterday) to write it, but my unborn child had other plans for me. he decided that he wanted to join his brother a few weeks early. now i have no memory of my first birth so i will have to tell you about this one instead. i think it's more interesting anyway. i'll preface it by saying that when i was pregnant with liam, i definitely had every expectation that i would be getting an epideral. i joke now that i asked for drugs the moment i found out i was pregnant. i started doing yoga during my fifth month, met deb, and ultimately asked her to be my doula. as i was feeling stronger in my practice and in my own belief in myself, i started considering a natural birth. in the end, deb, my husband, and i decided that we were going to see how far i could go without the epideral, but we were not saying definitely no. i was not promising anyone anything! long story short, i delivered my son with no drugs and only said ouch when my doctor was stitching me up. it was such a positive and empowering experience for me that when i became pregnant again, i knew that i wanted to replicate it as much as possible. deb wanted me to have a home birth. i said i was not ready to go that far, but thanks. i was, however, very interested in the birth center at st luke's/roosevelt. i changed to a new ob/gyn who more appropriately met my birth philosophies (please see the doctor exchange to see my recommendation) and we were on our way.

i was due to deliver around the 9th of march. around the first of february i started having dreams every night that i delivered early. on feb 7 i went for my weekly visit at my ob/gyn and told her about my dreams. she told me that was totally normal, it probably meant nothing, then she checked me and found that i was already 3 centimeters and 90% effaced. at that point she said that there was a good chance my dreams were accurate: i could go early. i was DELIGHTED. i am not one of you lucky ladies who likes being pregnant. i love the product of pregnancy but i would be hard pressed to find much else i like about it. i didn't care that i still had a week to go before i was technically full term (thereby erasing any hopes of going to the birth center). it didn't bother me at all that both my doctor and my doula would be away the following weekend. if i could stop being pregnant sooner, nothing would make me upset. ok, i'm exaggerating. sort of. fast forward two weeks and i am still pregnant. wtf?! i felt deceived. but, at the same time, deb and my doctor were back in town, and i was officially full term. back to the original plan we go!

i was still working full time at my restaurant, with my expected last day being march 1st. every day, my co workers (and probably most of the people i waited on) thought my water was going to break while i recited the specials at a table. thankfully that didn't happen- though it would have made for a great story! i worked last tuesday night, and didn't get home until 2am, so i was really not into getting up to go to yoga. i decided that i would probably go the thursday night class instead, so my husband decided to get the laundry done on wednesday instead of thursday as we normally do it. on wednesday morning, i woke up and reluctantly realized that i had plenty of time to eat breakfast and make it to class, and i always feel so much better after yoga and blah blah blah. my conscience won, so i dragged myself out of bed and went to class. when i got home, i was starving and decided that we should treat ourselves to pizza delivery for lunch. we ate and then started to fold the laundry while our son napped. i noticed cramping around 1:30, but it wasn't too uncomfortable so i ignored it. then i realized that though they didn't really hurt, they were pretty consistently starting and stopping... every 4 minutes. i mentioned it to steve and said i was going to have some water and lie down for a bit to see if they subsided. i would take a shower at two and then decide if i was going to go to work that night. he looked at me like i had two heads. he said, "you've been having contractions every 4 minutes and you are only considering calling out?" i went along with my original plan (i can be very stubborn) and around 2:15 i called work. then i called deb. then i called my doctor. both said that i should call back when i am feeling like i can't talk through the contractions. fifteen minutes later i told steve to call deb and tell her to come her and to call my mom to tell her to get on a train so she could watch liam while we go to the hospital. a little after 3 deb and the fresh direct delivery guy show up at the door. steve put away the groceries while deb helped me through the contractions, which were rapidly increasing in intensity. by 3:45, we were frantically calling every person on our "on-call list" to get someone to come over and watch liam until my mom could get in from connecticut. finally, the tenth person we called answered her phone and was able to come over. at 4:30 i found myself sitting backwards on the floor behind the driver of a towncar thanking god that i don't get motion sickness. by five we were in the l&d triage waiting to get admitted before we could go to the birth center. i walked up and down the hall stopping every few minutes to moan loudly while my contraction passed. it bothered deb and my husband to no end that no one seemed to be in any sort of hurry to admit me, but i figured, hey this is a hospital; they are probably pretty used the this sort of display of pain. it wasn't until i almost threw up in front of the nurses station that anyone really looked up. they pointed me toward the bathroom where i happily moved toward transition. that sped things up for the admitting people too. they checked me (6-7 centimeters) and put me on a fetal heart rate monitor for 20 minutes, and then FINALLY let me go to the birth center. it was a whole new world there. we were the only patients there at the time and the nurse had already filled my tub with fabulously warm water. i got in the tub, and immediately my back pain went away. the warmth of the water slowed the contractions a bit too, and i was able to relax. after a while, though, i started to feel like a raisin, and the bed looked so inviting, so i got out of the tub and laid down. my husband ran out to get nourishment for all of us and i was actually able to doze a bit between my contractions. a little before 7 my doctor checked me and said i was about 9.5 centimeters. she asked if i wanted her to break my water and i decided to wait a bit. i don't know why. i wasn't thinking specifics. i was in such a bizarre zone of pain and power and determination and anticipation, that i just said no. from that point on i was on a level that i can only compare to a psychedelic drug experience *i feel funny using that analogy, and i apologize if it's not appropriate, but i have been searching for a way to describe how i felt, and that is truly the only thing that compares.* around 7:40, my doctor asked again if i wanted her to break my water and again i said no, but i don't think i was answering the question that she had asked. my husband said, "i think you should let her break it", and i agreed. i still don't know what i was saying no to. she broke my water, and that was that. there was a gush of warm and then the most intense feeling of having to poop i've ever felt. in fact, i remember shouting, "i'm pooping!" and everyone in the room saying, "yes you are. it's totally ok." i pushed three times, reached down and pulled my little boy out. six hours from first cramps to delivery, and we got our laundry done and groceries delivered. talk about perfect timing!

so, that's my story. sorry so long winded, but it's fresh right now, and i will not remember this much tomorrow. i am so lucky to have had two really easy pregnancies and two phenomenal birth experiences, but i try to remember every day that the most important part of it all is the final outcome- the baby. however one gets there- naturally, pain meds, cesarean or otherwise, whether we labor for 2.5 hours or 2.5 days, in the end we all get to look into the eyes of our babies and know that we made a human being. nothing will ever compare to that. ok. i'm going to bed. thanks for reading!