[Taylor]

I never considered giving birth at home until a friend told me about her experience. Her inspiring story resonated with my deepest sense of what childbirth was about. I believe God made us all capable of whatever we need to do. As a Christian Scientist, I have never gone to a hospital, or taken medicine, so the idea of suddenly using these tools didn’t feel right to my being. My husband Gabe was open to the concept, and together we found a wonderful, very experienced midwife – Marcy Tardio. Our journey began.

I read one book: Ina May’s Guide to Natural Childbirth and saw one documentary: The Business of Being Born. These wonderful, inspiring resources confirmed for us my sense that pregnancy and labor were natural, fearless activities. We made the right decision for our family.

My labor began around 4 in the morning on Thanksgiving (2007). Eight hours later we called our doula, the friend who had given birth at home and inspired me! Her name is Kenzie Fields and it was just so wonderful for us to have someone we love so much perform this special role.

Around 2 pm Kenzie arrived and quietly observed me as I went through a contraction. She suggested I might like to drink some water as I seemed dehydrated and that it might help lessen the severity of the contractions. Immediately this helped and we continued the afternoon with lots of laughs and visiting, playing Scrabble, making cookie dough and finally eating an impromptu Thanksgiving dinner! Around 5 pm it appeared that my labor had slowed down so much that it seemed wisest to rest.

I laid down on the bed and slept between contractions which were now around 20 minutes apart. By about 10:00pm they had increased considerably in frequency and intensity. I got into the rented Aqua Doula and we called our midwife.

When Marcy arrived it was clear that I was in active labor. I remained in the warm pool while Gabe, Marcy, Kenzie sat quietly giving support. Sometimes they held my hand or touched my back or offered calming advice. I held onto a very simple spiritual idea which I repeated to myself in my thought: “Peace and joy and power…” A line from a hymn also came to me: “God is round about me and can I be dismayed?”

This is part of the beautiful design of labor: it is not painful wave, painful wave, painful wave crashing down on you. There is a wave and then a blessed stillness, a time of absolute no physical sensation. During this peaceful time, I focused on those good thoughts, and in turn I know it helped strengthen me and ready me for the next contraction.

Marcy would periodically check the baby’s heart rate using a doptone. Each time she did we could hear a steady strong heartbeat. They kept me hydrated and warm or cool, depending on what I needed and also energized with bits of food and drink or spoonfuls of honey. All the interaction we had was quiet, unobtrusive, gentle and free of stress or fear. It was a very sweet atmosphere there, with our cats taking turns throughout the night keeping watch over me.

At one point I said outloud, “I feel an opening” and Marcy asked me to describe it. I used my hands to make a little circle. She asked if I wanted her to give me an internal exam…that I didn’t need to, but if I wanted we could find out how far I was along. I said yes, and she put her hands in the water and reached down and felt inside and told me I was exactly dilated the amount I had described: about 6 or 7 cm.

After a while Marcy thought maybe I should get out of the pool so we went to the bathroom. I found sitting on the toilet to be a very helpful position. When a contraction would come my husband would stand up and hold out his arm like a pull up bar and I would grab on and sometimes bite! (Poor Gabe!) I would hang on him until the contraction was over. Around this time I felt what I thought was the baby’s head coming out. Marcy shined a little flashlight and said, “That is your water sack!” She offered me a little mirror and I looked down to see what appeared to be a little water balloon, marble-white in color. Marcy said it was wonderful to see that it was totally clear of meconium and that was a great sign.

The feeling of the sack coming out was not in the least painful and that made me feel good. Before this, I had never consciously feared that the baby’s head coming out would be painful…to be honest I never envisioned it or imagined what it might feel like. I just believed my body would open up and let the baby out. But seeing this water sack coming out proved to me it was possible.

The next several hours are kind of a blur. I went from pool, to the bathroom, to the bedroom.…wherever I went my support team packed up and followed. When I admitted I felt badly to be taking so long they lovingly reassured me it would take whatever time was needed and not to worry at all. I was so grateful for their patience.

One of the most vulnerable aspects of the labor was that I pooped. Marcy and Kenzie were so incredible how they took care of me, mothering me so gently and with zero judgement. It was all just so raw and exposed and animal…

When it seemed like there had been little progress and I could find no position that was helpful I said, “I don’t know what to do.” They calmly led me to the living room and helped me with some new positions, which eventually led me to the ground. They laid pillows and drop cloths down and I remember Gabe on my right holding my hand and giving me sips of water and Kenzie on my left holding that hand and being an anchor for me that I could push against.

It was time to push. I remember Kenzie saying “Curl up like a cat around your baby and push it out.” Through her encouragement I was gradually able to focus all the energy where it needed to go. I remember Marcy and Kenzie pouring warm water and olive oil on me to help keep me lubricated and to prevent tearing. Eventually Marcy told us she could see the head and I remember Gabe going to look and I reached down to feel it. This was incredibly encouraging and I pushed further. Something took over and I shifted into a new zone. Instead of resting in between, I lifted my leg and pushed without stopping. I remember the feeling of warm water and oil, and Marcy’s gentle hands and it was like there was no sensation until suddenly I said “OH!” And Kenzie said, “It’s ok! That’s the ring of fire…it will be over in a second”, and it was.

At 11:04am, after two and a half hours of pushing, the baby was finally born. Marcy laid him on my chest. He was rosy pink and fully alert and awake. I remember being shocked by how big and long and fully formed he was…Tristan John Barre.

Sweet beautiful relief. We laid there, and I got to feel this little baby on my skin and take him in….this mysterious person who had been living inside me, I finally got to meet. The placenta was delivered painlessly, in one second…Marcy asked me to cough and with my effort and her gentle pull on the umbilical cord, it fell into a bowl. She tied Tristan off and Gabe got to cut the cord.

After a few more minutes he started to breast feed. Kenzie made a delicious turkey sandwich and fed me bite by bite so I could just focus on the baby and relax. I felt completely energized and happy and calm. And Marcy just let us be, in our home, with our newest family member.

Looking back now, a month later, it really does feel like a dream. It could not have been more harmonious. It was not without challenges, but there was never one second where it felt impossible. I am filled with such gratitude.